Just so’s I don’t forget…

I had a thought just now, and it felt a little profound, and I don’t want to forget it so I am putting it down. I know that I most assuredly will forget it, and that’s why it’s important.

I have this belief that when I am 120 pounds I can be happy.

(I’m trying not to judge that belief, but part of me is chuckling at my own ego. I identify with that part of me that’s doing the chuckling, but working to remember that it’s still judging and shaming and therefore not healthy for me, so I am asking it kindly to please be quiet and go do something useful.)

I am confusing the number with the feeling. I think, “When I was 120 pounds, I accepted myself.” And I confusedly think it was that magic number that made it possible for me to accept myself. Then that makes me focus on the number, instead of the acceptance, or the willingness to accept myself regardless of the number. THAT is what made the difference.

So, you know. Don’t let me forget.

2 thoughts on “Just so’s I don’t forget…

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