It is already almost MARCH, can you believe that? In celebration, Stephanie sent me the Springiest Fix that ever fixed a spring. I loved it from first peek. I have been crazy busy at work lately, so getting a Fix feels like a special treat already, but getting THIS Fix felt like…I don’t know. Hope for the future.
But the reality is, things are catching up with me. Friends, it’s time to admit some things, to put down on virtual paper the stuff I don’t really want other people to see or know about. It’s getting hard to deal with it by myself — or rather, to keep on trying to NOT deal with it. See, a couple of weeks ago I was complaining to a dear friend about how I was always heading for the snack machine after I ate my lunch. She, naturally, asked what I was eating from breakfast and lunch and I told her. “I have a smoothie at home in the morning, a hard-boiled egg around 9:30, and half a grapefruit between 10:30 and 11:00. Then for lunch I have a Lean Cuisine.”
Said Dear Friend paused and then asked me if I realized I was starving myself.
She asked me why, if I was really giving up dieting, I continued to bring diet food to work everyday.
Well obviously, I wasn’t really giving up dieting. But I sure as heck was saying I was.
So I had to re-examine some choices and thought processes and decided I had a lot more learning to do. Mostly about trusting myself and my body to know what’s best for me. And while I’ve given up the Lean Cuisines I still feel lost, struggling, and — despite some recent strides in the way of exercise consistency — overweight. I look at the photos I am about to post and I don’t like what I see. And I say this not from a reasonable perspective on my body, my health, or my self-worth. I say it from a traumatized place of disconnect between what I see and what I want to see. I believe in self-acceptance. I want it. But apparently I am not ready to let go of what I need to let go of to have it. I wish I was, but I’m not. Right now, I’m just trying to not-judge where I am with that, but a lot of my energy is still caught up in this whirlwind of trying to figure out how to lose ten pounds — you know, without actually dieting. I feel like I’ll never get out of this place where I irrationally feel that if I have to bump up my sizes on my Stitch Fix profile the world will end. Simultaneously, I know I have it in me to get out of this place — but I am going to have to start being a lot more honest with myself and with my therapist before I get there. Wish me luck, if you’re so inclined.
Hey, yeah, so, YES, this is still a Stitch Fix review.
If you are not familiar with Stitch Fix, here’s the deal: Stitch Fix is an online personal styling service. You can subscribe for regular Fixes or just schedule them as you like. You fill out an extensive online profile of your tastes, sizes, and budget preferences and for a $20 fee, one of their stylist puts together a box of 5 clothing and accessory items to ship right to your door! You have 3 days to try things on, solicit opinions, balance your budget, whatever — you send back anything that doesn’t work for you in a prepaid envelope, and keep whatever you love! Your $20 styling fee is applied to anything you decide to keep, and if you buy the whole box of items you get 25% off the entire box! Prices vary but they say the average cost per item is $55 – 65. If you haven’t ever tried it and are interested, please consider using my referral link. If you use my link to schedule a Fix, I get a $25 credit towards my next purchase! (Note that I do not receive any compensation for reviewing this service; I just enjoy doing it).
Cardinia Collarless Blazer by Kensie ($88). I have been bugging Stephanie for ages for a brightly colored blazer and I was very excited to see one in the bright cobalt blue with an adorable polka dot lining. Now, I had a collarless blazer from LOFT a couple of years ago that I never really wore, but I couldn’t remember why not. When I tried this one on, though, it came back to me. I never wore that blazer because I really didn’t like the collarless part. And I didn’t like it too much here either. Of course, this blazer is too small for me in the shoulders and I could only fasten the button if I held my breath (and even then, the top half of the blazer ballooned out in a singularly unflattering way). I liked this choice from Stephanie but not enough to investigate the availability of a larger size. Verdict: Returned.
Triste Swing Skirt by Pixley ($58). I tried everything on Wednesday night when I was by myself, without styling or making much of an effort, just to get an idea of things and start my mind turning on what to pair with what for the blog pictures, and this skirt made me cry. It showed off every single lump and bump in exactly the places I am not comfortable having lumps and bumps. I had been sooooo excited about this, that I managed to let it really ruin my evening. When my husband came home he sympathized and said what he usually says, which is, maybe you’ll feel better about it in the morning when we take pictures. So I let myself sleep, got up early, showered, started pairing things together and lo and behold, add a pair of control top tights and whaddaya know. I feel right back in love with this skirt — I even got brave enough to try it without the control top tights and still loved it. Verdict: KEPT!
Giovanni Straight Leg Jean by Level 99 ($108). About a month ago I started seeing all these Stitch Fix reviews including wonderful pastel versions of the Giovanni — butter yellow, spring lilac — so I requested a pair in a “fun spring color”. I was really pleased to see that Stephanie honored that request, though, when I peeked ahead on my handy Stitch Fix app, these looked white to me, which was nice but not butter yellow or spring lilac. It was a real treat to open up the box and find they were actually this gorgeous light teal green! Remember the beloved mint green Just Black skinnies I had to give away? Yeah, these go a long way towards soothing that loss! I’ll have to have them hemmed as Stephanie said she didn’t see any in petite sizing, but until I can coordinate getting that done I should be able to wear them cuffed or with boots.
Now, you already know I am keeping them as I blather on about hemming, but it was a toss up for awhile there, since they are fairly difficult to get on. Once they are on, however, they are very comfy, just way too long. This is the kind of item that sends me into a mini-tailspin. Am I keeping just as an incentive to change myself enough to make them more comfortable? Am I keeping them just to make up for the ones I loved but grew out of? Should I really just not keep them? Should I quit Stitch Fix? Should I size up? Why does the idea of sizing up feel so terrifying? Why does it feel like the next step down the road of never-ending size-ups?
I don’t have the answer to any of those questions right now. Ultimately, it’s a pair of jeans. Maybe they don’t have to be anything more than that right now. Verdict: Kept.
Granger Crew Neck Top by Moon and Sky ($54). This is an adorable little crew neck tank with a great floral print on a black background. I love the look and idea of idea but it too tight at the armholes, chest, and neck. There was also a very high slit on either side that felt out of proportion with the length for me. I will probably request another floral based on how much I liked the idea of this top, but this particular one had to go back. Verdict: Returned.
Rover Zip Back Blouse by Collective Concepts ($58). The color of this blouse is so drop-dead gorgeous I nearly dropped dead. This was also too tight around the chest for me, and as much as I like the back shape and gathered detail I would have to wear this with a strapless bra, and I’m of the attitude that I’m only going to wear those for special occasions these days. They aren’t comfortable enough, and other options aren’t supportive enough. There’s also something off with the length of this top in the back — it has a hi-lo thing going on but the hi isn’t high enough and the lo isn’t low enough. The gathering cascade gets held up at my butt and then the whole shirt balloons out in an unflattering way. I should have nabbed a picture from the side to demonstrate. Verdict: Returned.
I know I normally don’t include so much angst in my reviews and I apologize if it wasn’t the right forum. Getting a box of clothes in the mail can be a great deal of fun, but the times I get several items that don’t fit it really does a number on me. I don’t want to live in a place of denial, so confronting uncomfortable feelings is, for me, something I shouldn’t shy away from. Still, if I’m not learning anything from it or growing from it then it’s just insanity, doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different result. I consider this review sort of…transitional. But what it’s transitioning to, I can’t yet say. Maybe next time.